The Lawnmower Workout
Don’t have time for the gym? Here’s how to increase your effort and reps while mowing the lawn in only 8 easy steps.
The first two are the most difficult, because they require a certain degree of stupidity. Both of which I recently demonstrated.
Step 1: Leave the mower under the porch deck, covered only by an old upside down litter box. This will keep the ignition systems and fuel tank covered. However, when there’s a patch of freezing or below weather for a week or two, this also allows water to condense on the roof of the fuel tank each day. This will gradually contaminate the fuel.
Step 2: Attempt to start the mower on the coldest day of the year. You will not succeed, but you will transfer some of the water from the tank to the fuel line and carburetor, insuring that the mower will not start at all.
Step 3: Frustrated, and with a dim idea that the rain and cold may be a factor, move the mower into the dry garage next to the motorcycle. Then recall that you have done this earlier in the year each of the past 20 years or so.
Step 4: After a week for things to dry out, attempt to start the mower. Voila! It will run! For about 60 seconds.
Step 5: Repeat Step 4 several times, allowing the motor to get a little warmer each time.
Step 6: Now you can begin to mow. Each time the engine dies, give it a few minutes for the warm engine to evaporate the water in the carburetor. If you have any available, pour the last dregs of the fuel can into the tank. This will allow the engine to run a little bit longer each time. Use the extra time to empty the grass bag, move the trash cans to the curb, sweep the garage, whatever. This keeps your entire body moving.
Step 7: In so doing you’ve avoided polluting the grass by pouring out the bad fuel, mowed the lawn (eventually), and reminded yourself to fill the gas can the next time you are out running errands. Your right arm has now yanked the starter rope about 6 dozen times – a good workout. You have exercised more than usual walking around the yard taking care of small stuff each time the mower dies and dries itself out. For the advanced athlete, figure out how to pull the starter rope with your left hand while holding the kill bar closed with your right.
Step 8: Resolve to move the mower into the garage a month earlier next year.
David Preston Copyright 2014