How The Koch Brothers Will Elect a President You’ve Never Heard Of

The Koch Brothers Create a President From An Unknown

Let us agree that the Koch brothers did not become incredibly wealthy by being stupid. I would posit further that they can learn from their mistakes.

So what if…

They now realize that the creation of the Tea Party was both a failure and a mistake.  As was Sarah Palin.

What if, for 2016, they’ve decided to double down and spend even more fathomless sums of money to create a President who can win and that they control.

Here’s how they might do it.

First of all, create a very large field of extremist candidates, almost all of them funded in part or wholly by the Koch brothers and various Tea Party organizations. All of these candidates are dupes, selected for their innate ability to say incredibly stupid and false things that will ensure they cannot be elected or even nominated by a Republican party reeling from the constant damaging gaffes from within their own supposed ranks.

One advantage of this is that the Democrats spend a lot of time and effort and money responding to the ridiculous statements of these bogus candidates, and waste resources planning for several possible campaigns that are never going to happen.

A second advantage is that most of these candidates, by their outrageous stances, create instant super PAC and personal campaign funds from outer-rim whack jobs who get to live the fantasy of a candidate who thinks just like they do.  When the candidates drop out, those funds are available to be passed on to the “real” candidate, who could not attract such sums on his own (male pronoun intentional).  This can be seen in the removal from the race of Scott Walker, who leaves behind a Super PAC with $20 million dollars, most of it unspent.

Because the current candidates have been carefully selected, they can be counted on to make statements that fringe on the insane, such as no Muslim should be allowed to be President. Or we should look at building a wall across Canada. Or –oh heck, there are so many to choose from.

How to remove them? Easy.  Almost all of them cannot proceed without the Koch brothers blessing and funds. A simple call with the message of “You’re done” will do the trick.

In the next three months, almost all of these candidates will disappear, in an order created by the Koch brothers at times of their choosing.

Somewhere in there the big bomb will drop – Donald Trump will drop out, either by command of the Koch’s or because he discovers that running for President is an awful lot of work.

What then?  The surprising surge of a candidate nobody has ever heard of, a candidate currently being hidden and groomed by the Koch’s.  This candidate will be a handsome white male who is an elected official – perhaps of a large city – but with no national exposure and no skeletons hanging in any closet. He will belong to a “safe” religion – Lutheran should do.

He will have had great success at his level.  The books are balanced, there are no great crises in his town, and he is very popular. He will have a reasonably attractive wife and a couple of photogenic children.

His debut may be accompanied by a book with “his” vision of a better America. He will be soft on gays, immigration, and abortion. He may criticize the Tea Party, which will win the support of some liberals. He will not need the Tea Party because they’ve already given their money to the fake candidates. He will offer economic stability for the future by advocating the privatization of many government services, such as the United States Postal Service, National Parks, and many others.

The savings from these changes will be claimed to be in the billions, almost immediately.

At the same time, this candidate will inherit the Koch’s media clout and financial support, as well as the unused war chests of the sham candidates dominating the news today.

As his popularity surges, he will gain the support of all the other candidates, and will be nominated in a landslide by Republicans relieved to find an electable candidate who is not embarrassing.

If the Democrats are able to seize defeat from the jaws of victory, as Democrats tend to do, he will be elected.

The Kochs will smile.

 

Copyright 2015                      David Preston

About david

I am a 69 year old motorsports nut who lives in Bothell, Washington. After a 31 year career as an English teacher, I segued into a self-created job in the motorsports business. Now retired, I was involved in customer relations for Ride West BMW in Seattle, after almost 10 years of similar work for the Cycle Barn MotorSports Group. I have been married forever and have two grown children. I own, at the current time, a Triumph Bonneville T 120 , a Triumph Thruxton, a Fiat 500S and a VW Tiguan. What else would you like to know?
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